Finding Courage

It’s already morning and I still can’t sleep. Suddenly I decided to reflect on what my life had been for the past few months.

Yesterday was Sunday and like most of the church days, I didn’t go. I didn’t go for no reason at all. And that what makes me feel more guilty. This laziness in me is my first enemy.

My work is from Monday to Saturday. So basically, Sundays are my only free days. There are so many things I would love to do, to try, places to go to, etc. but I don’t know how to fit all of those in my free day because I suck with time management and I have this one problem, my second enemy, lack of courage.

I may look tough and brave but the truth is, I’m afraid to a lot of things.

I’m afraid to go to church alone. I don’t know why, but I never really went to church all by myself ever in my entire life. As I remember, our whole family goes to church when we were kids. And as years passed by, that changed. All of us become busy with our own stuff. So now, my chances of hearing the mass is either when somebody asked me to go or it’s me who asked somebody to come with me. I know it doesn’t makes sense because it’s a holy place where nobody would try to do harm to anyone but I don’t know.. I really don’t know why I can’t go alone?!

I’m afraid of taking risks. I guess it’s not only me who has a problem with this one right? But I really wanna learn how to get rid of it. If only I’m not afraid, I would have started swimming lessons, I would have started my everyday run, I would have climbed mountains, I would have fell in love, I would have shared memories, I would have been more energetic and productive, and I would have been seeing life in a different perspective.

When and where can I find you? I’m just here, maybe that’s why I still don’t have you. What if you are a Pokemon? Would it be easier to find you? Haha.. I’m just kidding.

If only there’s a handbook, well I guess it won’t make a difference because I don’t read a lot. Why am I contradicting myself? Ugh!

I hope it’s not yet too late to meet you. I’m looking forward to it!

-marixungit

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